


I Found You Among the Flowers

by Ixthalia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abandonment, Age Difference, Betrayal, Body Worship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Child Death, Child Loss, Childbirth, Consensual Underage Sex, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Love, First Time, Flashbacks, Forbidden Love, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Infant Death, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Pining, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Older Man/Younger Woman, Regret, Secrets, Smut, Summer Love, Touch-Starved, Trust Issues, Unprotected Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-27 23:40:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30130650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ixthalia/pseuds/Ixthalia
Summary: He found her at the worst possible time in his life and left to keep her safe.Years later, he's desperate to find her and make amends...and rekindle what they had, if she'll have him.But the years have not been kind, and Bucky's missed more than he'd ever dreamed possible.A/N:I intend to sucker punch you all in the feels OFTEN with this fic, so please be warned! xx
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 34
Collections: Reservations for Two... or Three





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea that has been in my 'to do' pile of fics for a longggg time and I finally said to hell with it, I've got to give it a go. Lets be honest too, I've got to roll with my muse while it strikes me!
> 
> It does not comply with Civil War as we know it, with the prologue taking place during AoU and our main story picking up sometime after an alternate CW. Bare with me - I'll make it make sense as we go along and more is revealed ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Translations:**
> 
> 'mon dieu' - my god  
> 'mon amour' - my love
> 
> *Note: I intend for what little french I use (for the sake of readability and not infuriating native speakers with my offensive translation skills lol) to be pretty straight forward. Words here and there, no long winded sentences :)

**Gordes, France**

**Summer 2015**

Sophie tip-toed down the rickety farmhouse stairs, carefully side-stepping the spots she knew to creak and groan.

Her grandparents hadn’t been long to bed, but the loud snoring coming from their bedroom told her they’d already fallen asleep. If she was going to slip away to see him before they woke to tend the fields, she had to make the most of the opening before her.

She held her breath as she unlocked the door, first unlatching the modern-day lock and then putting all of her weight into moving the old bolt her grandfather still insisted on using.

It – along with the farmhouse itself – was well over a hundred and fifty years old. Little had been done to update the property aside from installing some modern plumbing. The floor tiles were worn and cracked in places. The ceilings were low, with exposed wooden beams and thick cobwebs. Even the windows were old, and Sophie counted herself lucky that her parents had only sent her away for the summer.

She didn’t know how her grandparents tolerated the cold in the later months in such an old house.

Sophie was careful to shut the door slowly and quietly behind her.

She turned to face the lavender fields her grandparents tended. When she was a little girl, they’d own many acres of land. But as time wore on and they grew more frail, they’d sold. Now, their lavender farm was one of the smaller ones in the region.

Still, she was certain it was the most beautiful and lovingly cared for.

The night air was cool, but not uncomfortably so. Sophie didn’t regret deciding against grabbing her thin cardigan. Her cotton pyjama shorts, and oversized t-shirt were good enough.

And truly, she didn’t want any unnecessary layers between her body and his touch.

Giddy with excitement, she licked her lips and crossed the small courtyard the farmhouse, barn and old stables were centred around. Her goal was the smaller, arguably more updated barn situated a bit further back in the field from the main house.

Except for the moon and stars, unobstructed by the city lights she was accustomed to, only the lone light in the barn window lit her way.

Bare foot, she hurried down a furrow towards the barn where he lived.

As she neared, she couldn’t keep the grin from her lips.

When her parents insisted on sending her to her grandparent’s farm for the summer - reminding her that until her eighteenth birthday, she had to do as they said…especially since they were covering her tuition fees - she never thought she would find anything to keep herself from dying of boredom.

She had mentally prepared herself for the dullest two months of her life…when she’d bumped into _him_ on her second day at the farm.

_Oh, mon amour…_

It was silly. She knew that; to truly believe that at the age of seventeen she had fallen in love – _truly_ in love – but she did. It was so all-consuming, so titillating…how could it not be real?

Her parents wouldn’t understand. Her grandparents _certainly_ wouldn’t either…especially given the fact that they seemed to believe that he and Sophie were too far apart in age to be interested in each other.

That suited Sophie just fine.

He was her secret, her love, and if hiding her affection from the world kept their love safe…she would do it.

She would do anything for him.

Finally at the barn’s side door, Sophie lightly knocked. He would hear, he always did. She learned early on that there was no sneaking up on him.

Her heart raced as she heard the bolt slide back and the handle turn.

He said nothing (he was often so quiet) but gave a small smile when the door opened just enough to meet her gaze.

She noted that the fine lines around his eyes looked a little deeper though, as did the creases on his brow. He was not as at ease as he appeared at first glance, and certainly not as he deserved.

“Bucky,” she whispered, trying and failing to keep her glee from her features, “can you not sleep?”

His expression softened slightly, and she saw his jaw clench.

He was doing it again – trying to resist, trying to convince himself that he had to send her away…

Sophie wished he wouldn’t. He was hounded by such sadness…why hurt himself further by trying to resist what they both felt?

“Please, mon amour,” she spoke softly, “let me in, let me help you…”

She cautiously touched his gloved hand as he gripped the weather-beaten door frame.

“Bucky –

He surprised her – he often did – by releasing his grip on the frame and threading his fingers between hers.

She let him guide her into the small living space in the barn her grandparents allowed him to live in. It wasn’t much, but he often reassured her it was all he needed.

And far better that what he’d been allowed in past.

_Oh, the long life you’ve lived, mon amour…_

When the door closed behind her, Sophie smiled and stood on her tip toes as she leaned into him.

The soft, amused snort he gave as he looked down at her made her stomach flutter.

His hands settled on her hips and her breath caught in her throat as he pressed his forehead to hers.

“Needy, aren’t you, sweetheart?” he asked headily, “what am I gonna do with you?”

_Anything…everything…whatever you want…_

“Kiss me,” she breathed.

He dug his fingers into the fabric of her t-shirt, balling it up in his fists.

“Hold me,” she swallowed hard, “make love to me…please, mon amour…”

It hung there between them longer than she’d like, her plea. Again, she knew he was trying to convince himself to send her away, to deny her, but she knew she’d won when he pressed a firm kiss to her brow.

He wasn’t going to send her away.

“Sophie…”

She loved how her name sounded on his lips.

“Please,” she whispered, bringing her shaking hands up to touch his chest.

The undershirt he wore was still damp with cooling sweat, his long-sleeved flannel shirt unbuttoned partially…

She toyed with the next button to be undone, biting her lip as she popped it free.

“Bucky, please, I want you…”

He allowed her to unbutton his flannel shirt completely, shivering as she slid her arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to his chest, undeterred by his sweaty work clothes.

“I need you,” she continued unabashedly, overcome, “I need to feel you…”

Bucky kissed the top of her head, nuzzling into her sandy blonde hair and breathing her scent deep.

“I need you too,” he admitted sadly, “fuck, Sophie…”

He let go of her shirt to reach down, past the curve of her ass to grip the back of her thighs. He lifted her up effortlessly, guiding her to wrap her legs around his waist.

As if she truly needed to be encouraged to do so.

Still, her heart raced wildly as he carried her to his modest bed.

“I gotta learn how to tell you no,” he mumbled into her ear, “how to quit you…”

Sophie ran her fingers through his hair.

“You do not have to, Bucky…”

She nipped his ear lobe, flicking her tongue out to traced the shell of his ear.

“I am yours.”

She whimpered as he crouched down to lay her on his bed, staying stretched over her.

“Are you, now?” he asked, tone deceptively light compared to the sadness in his eyes.

Sophie could only nod.

Everything about him was intense. His eyes, his posture, the way he carried himself, his past…

Coherent thought left her as he finally kissed her.

He always eased her into it, giving her a breath to get used to his soft, warm lips pressing against her own before deepening it. Because when he did deepen it…

It was like they were melting into each other, melding.

Devouring.

Their tongues met more gracefully now than they had at first. Sophie hadn’t even had her first kiss before Bucky came into her life – she was as graceful in love as a fawn trying to walk for the first time.

Thankfully, Bucky assured her he was happy to learn with her.

Bucky awkwardly worked his gloves off, seemingly not wanting to break their kiss for anything.

Sophie chuckled into their kiss.

“Ouch,” Bucky pouted as he broke their kiss, “awfully mean…laughin’ at me…”

His rare display of playfulness caught her off guard.

“I do not mean it, I swear!”

He snorted.

“You’re smiling.”

Sophie ran her hands over his shoulders, careful not to linger too much over his metal limb.

“I often smile because of you,” she mumbled, her cheeks a bit flushed, “do you not see it?”

As suddenly as it had appeared, the playful glint in his gorgeous blue eyes was gone. In its place was sadness once more.

Her heart plummeted at the sight.

“Bucky…”

She made to kiss him and sighed in relief when he allowed her to.

And the heat between them reignited.

Bucky rid her of her clothes first, as he always did, taking his time to kiss and lick every inch of her he revealed.

Sophie bit her bottom lip and moaned as his warm, attentive lips met her breast.

She loved this most of all – the love and care that came before he was inside of her. It was silly, because she was literally naked, but there was something…bearing, about it. Exposing.

The stubble of his beard grazing the curve of her breasts as he coaxed her nipples to hard buds…

The soft wet sounds he made as he latched onto her, sucking her roughly as he swirling his tongue and grazed his teeth over her tender flesh…

The way her breath caught in her throat as he cupped her neglected breast gently, squeezing ever so slightly before lavishing the same attention upon it…

She eagerly spread her legs for him as he traveled downward.

“W-Will you ever allow me to touch you like this?” she asked in a shaky, small voice.

Bucky had never taken off more clothing than required to make love to her. He’d tug his jeans and boxer briefs down together so they were bunched up just under the curve of his ass, take off his gloves so he did not get her skin too dirty, and hike up his shirt just enough to let her freely grind on him.

And each time the metal of his left hand met her flesh, Bucky looked pained.

The cool metal never lingered on her for long.

“Mon amour…”

She longed to kiss his chest, to graze her teeth over his nipples as she explored him…to take her time to kiss each and every scar that marred his body.

He deserved the same love and care he gave her.

And more than anything, Sophie wanted him to see that.

He’d stopped his descent and seemed deeply conflicted. His jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth, and Sophie worried she’d asked for too much.

Before he could speak, she shushed him, cupping his face in her hands.

“You are here with me, Bucky. You are here and I am yours…all yours.”

He swallowed hard, his gaze a little shaky, and Sophie’s heart broke.

She knew so little of him, but all she wanted to do was kiss him and make it all better; to shield him from everything that would try to hurt him…

Bucky Barnes had been hurt enough.

She kissed him, soft and slow.

“Bucky…please,” she breathed against his lips, “I-I need you inside of me…”

He nudged her nose with his own, reaching down between their bodies with his flesh hand as he dropped to the elbow of his metal arm.

Someday when he allowed her to take her time and explore him, she intended to lick and suck and kiss every inch of him. He’d taught her so much…the thought of him guiding her in sucking his cock thrilled her to no end.

Sophie wanted every little bit of him.

She jumped as the warm, bulbous head of his cock prodded her slick folds. He’d not even prepared her, and yet she was a sopping mess, ready and eager for him to slide in…

“Bucky…mon amour…”

He groaned as he beached her, leaving just the head of his cock inside of her as he hooked her legs over his arms.

Sophie’s chest was heaving. Each time they made love, she thought her heart would give out on her. Everything was so intense, so all consuming…

Bucky watched her closely as he rolled his hips against her.

A shaky, gasping breath left her as he seated inside of her, the head of his cock bumping up against the deepest part of her.

“S-Sophie…”

Lips parted in a silent cry of pleasure and awe; she could only watch him as he loomed over her.

_Oh dieu…_

It still stung, not as badly as it did the first time they’d made love, but it did. Strangely enough, she found that she loved it. It was embarrassing, and she’d never voiced it to him, but it made her feel like he was truly, deeply and irrefutably claiming her.

Bucky set a steady but slow pace, thrusting into her as though he feared breaking her entirely.

Tears welled in her eyes.

It felt _so_ good.

“Good tears?” he asked softly, grunting as he slid back.

Sophie nodded quickly; fearful he’d stop.

They’d learned early on that she got weepy when he was making her feel particularly good.

“Y-Yes…”

Bucky pressed his hips flush against hers, holding himself deep inside of her and pushing a strangled sob from her.

“G-Good…h-h-happy tears,” she stammered, gripping his shoulders, “Bucky…”

He resumed his pace, stealing a quick and sloppy kiss before dropping his head to press his forehead to her shoulder.

“Y-You’re perfect,” Sophie gasped, arching up off his bed as he moved over her, “B-Buck –

“No,” he growled, nipping her shoulder gently, “y-you are…”

She wanted to argue with him. She had no experience before him. In all ways, he was her first. If she was good in any way, it was because he was a perfect, patient teacher.

But he struck that sweet, secret spot inside of her and her breath, and fight, were stolen from her.

“Sophie…”

She tried and failed to blink the fog of impending bliss from her eyes and settled on clinging to him.

“Y-You’re perfect,” he kissed her sweaty skin, “sweet…and good and…”

He gave a deep, guttural groan through clenched teeth.

“S-Soph…”

She kissed the side of his face, his neck, ever bit of his she could reach.

“B-Bucky…”

She never wanted to leave his room. She never wanted to leave the barn. Even now, though his room was walled off from the rest of the barn, the scent of drying lavender was in the air.

Coupled with the heady, musky scent of Bucky and their love making, it was positively intoxicating.

A coiling pleasure tightening deep inside of her tore her thoughts from the floral notes around them.

She gasped his name again, and he pressed himself up against her, keeping himself buried deep inside of her as her clit rubbed against his groin.

Sophie squealed.

She felt like she was going to pee but knew not to fight or fear it.

She was close – so close – to the bliss she firmly believed only Bucky could ignite in her; the bliss she craved like she never knew she could.

Her body clenched tight around Bucky’s cock of its own accord and Sophie trembled, giving in.

A breath later, she piqued with a cry Bucky smothered with a searing kiss.

As she came down, inwardly swaying back and forth like a fluffy feather lazily falling to the ground, Bucky peppered her face with little kisses.

“M-Mon dieu,” she said with a heavy sigh, “B-Bucky…”

Wordlessly, he hugged her to him and rolled over, guiding her atop him.

Sophie whimpered.

He was suddenly so much deeper in her.

It pushed fresh tears up over her long lashes.

“B-Bucky –

“Ride me, baby girl,” he breathed, cheeks flushed with desire as he reverently grasped her hips.

Her hands were shaking, and Bucky let go of her hips long enough to help her grab a hold of his undershirt to brace herself.

“There ya go…”

She gasped when his hands returned to her hips.

“U-Use me, baby,” he practically pleaded, “rock your hips…”

He slowly, carefully helped her move, guiding her into finding something of a rhythm.

“There…”

Sophie yelped and bit her lip quickly to stifle her cries.

It really was so much more intense than before, though she blushed despite herself when she saw how he watched her breasts sway…and how his gaze dropped to where they were joined.

“B-Bucky…o-oh mon dieu…”

Bucky bit and licked his lips.

“S-Soph…baby…w-wanna see you squirt for me… _fuck_ …please…”

She was close – _so close_ – and his words only served to push her closer.

Teetering on the edge, she focused her movements on stimulating her clit like she needed to give him what he wanted.

“B-Bucky…”

He dug his nails into her hips, and she came with a sharp gasp, shaking as her second orgasm hit her with enough force to leave her breathless.

“F-Fuck, baby girl…y-y-yes…”

She faintly registered a physical release between their bodies, but it was Bucky’s reaction that told her she had been successful in ‘squirting’ as he’d wanted.

“O-Oh, sweetheart… _fuck_ …yes…there ya go…”

Before she could calm her thundering heart or catch her breath, Bucky sat up and flipped her back over onto her back.

His short, erratic thrusts told her he was close.

Sophie held him weakly to her as he chased his release. She wanted to sing his praise, to thank him and put into words just how precious he was to her…but she couldn’t find her voice.

She was a sweat-soaked, boneless heap of bliss…all she could do was gasp and moan.

Bucky spilled inside of her with a strangled cry, quickly burying his face in the crook of her neck to quiet himself some as he road his release out.

_Yes…yes, mon amour…I am yours…yes…_

Sophie felt each pulse of his release, each spurt of his cum as he filled her. Just like the stinging when he first entered her, this…this intimate thing made her feel marked, claimed.

It felt strange, but she almost wanted to thank him for it.

He collapsed to her side, taking a deep and greedy breath before weakly pulling her close.

“Y-You’re…I-I didn’t…”

Sophie knew where he was going. He always asked if he’d hurt her in any way after they made love.

It only made her love him more, each and every time.

Sophie smiled and shook her head.

“Never…you have never hurt me, mon amour…”

Bucky’s expression was sad, but otherwise hard to read. He touched her face.

“Sophie…”

She wanted to say something, to soothe his worried mind in whichever way she could, but when Bucky became solemn it was almost impossible for her to find the right words.

So she just smiled, hoping to mask her own sadness as she met his gaze.

“You are so handsome when you smile,” she settled on finally, “I-I mean…you’re always so handsome but…but when y-you smile…”

She bit the inside of her cheek and kept her focus on his hair as she twirled it between her fingers.

“W-When you smile…my heart –

Bucky shushed her and she felt tears very much unlike the ones she’d shed earlier well up in her eyes.

He whispered her name like it was a secret, letting his fingertips graze down along the curve of her neck before settling his hand over her heart.

“You’re too good for me, baby,” Bucky muttered sadly, “I…don’t know what I did for someone as good as you to cross my path…”

She wanted to cry, but instead she found it in herself to chuckle, although very briefly.

Her heart hurt, and she didn’t know why.

“You crossed my path, Bucky,” she pinched his chin affectionately, “I was just unable to resist your charms.”

It was Bucky’s turn to give a quick, almost sad, snort of laughter.

“My ‘charms’ were lost back in ’44, sweetheart…this? Us? Maybe it’s just luck…”

Sophie gave him a watery smile and inched closer to him, snuggling up as closely as she could.

Soon, she’d have to sneak back to her bedroom in the farmhouse.

It gutted her.

She wanted to stay wrapped up in him, safe and sheltered from the responsibilities that existed beyond the door…

But as he held her, and she thought more about their strange relationship, Bucky’s words weighed heavy in her mind.

_‘Maybe it’s just luck…’_

Sophie felt in her heart that something that felt so good, so natural and right could only have been brought about by good luck.

But she wasn’t sure Bucky felt the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think :) like I mentioned, I've been sitting on this idea for a long ass time so I'm eager to know peoples initial thoughts! Obviously detail will be revealed as we go along, and our ofc isn't going to remain the naive person she is here in the prologue! 
> 
> I've got plans, dear readers! Evil, gut-wrenching plans! *insert evil laughter here*


	2. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years later, Bucky struggles to move on and find purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did everyone catch the first episode of Falcon and the Winter Soldier?! Sebastian had actual lines! LINES! Hallelujah! lol

**5 years later…**

**Avengers Compound, Upstate New York**

_‘I often smile because of you…do you not see it?’_

Bucky woke in a cold sweat, heart racing and wide eyes darting around the dimly lit room as he tried to get his bearings.

_‘Mon amour…’_

It took him a long, tense moment to realize where he was – safe in the room he’d been given at the new Avengers Compound.

Far from her…

_‘Bucky…’_

Bucky sighed heavily. He’d fallen asleep on the floor again, huddled up beside the couch when he had a perfectly fine bed with his name on it not twenty steps from the living room. There was nothing wrong with it, not really, but he just couldn’t tolerate the flush pillows and thick blankets.

After decades of sleeping on lumpy cots and dusty floors, it was hard to give anything else a chance.

He wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his flesh hand and raked his fingers through his short hair.

_Get a hold of yourself, Barnes…_

On the tv, the baseball game he’d been watching had just gone into overtime.

He hadn’t really been paying attention to it before dozing off. He’d just been staring at the screen, wondering why something he used to enjoy didn’t do anything for him now.

It was easy enough to blame it on the way the game had changed over the years, or maybe that he couldn’t leave the compound to actually go and see a game, but he knew deep down it wasn’t that.

_Jesus Christ…_

Bucky sat back against the wall, the couch pillow and fleece blanket he’d pulled from his bed cast aside as he’d thrashed about in his sleep. He sucked in a deep breath, clutching his chest as it tightened.

“Sergeant Barnes? Are you alright?” Friday asked, breaking the relative silence of the room.

He hadn’t been thrilled initially with the idea of Stark’s AI having access to his room. He’d spent decades being watched by handlers – how was Friday really any different? But he was in the compound – and America, really – because he’d not put up a fight when faced with the lengthy list of conditions for his pardon.

Remaining in the compound unless given specific clearance to leave was one clause…tolerating Friday’s watchful gaze was another.

“Sergeant?” Friday spoke again, jarring him from his thoughts.

“Yeah…yeah, Friday, I’m fine.”

If Bucky was being completely honest with himself, the AI wasn’t awful.

She was quiet for the most part unless he asked her a question and had always been pleasant. It was more than he could say for some of the others he’d met since moving into the compound, and while he didn’t blame people for their caution, it did make life lonely.

Steve and Natasha didn’t have the clear schedule he did, after all.

“What time is it, Friday?”

He stood, albeit slowly.

“A bit past one in the morning,” she responded, “you could hit the gym if you’re not ready to try getting back to sleep? Mr. Stark authorized your clearance early last week.”

“I…maybe later, thanks.”

He slumped onto the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Friday asked again, her voice soft.

Bucky just nodded.

“You had another nightmare,” the AI commented, choosing to ignore his nod.

It wasn’t much of an observation. Bucky had nightmares every night. He’d lay down, close his eyes, try to drift off and rest…only to reminded time and time again of his every misdeed.

Every manipulation.

Every kill.

Every little bit of pain he’d caused…

“You watchin’ me sleep, Friday?” Bucky snapped, not bothering to open his eyes, “Stark and Fury wanting to make sure I get a good night’s rest?”

He was harsher than he truly meant to be with the AI, and he felt awful the second it had left his mouth.

But he was so tired, so beaten down, so…

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing his face, “you didn’t deserve that…”

“It’s alright,” Friday replied quickly, “my apologies for pushing, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Bucky,” he corrected, “call me Bucky, Friday.”

A pause, and then –

“Alright, Bucky. Is there anything I can do to help, or should I leave you to try and get some more sleep?”

“I-I…”

He’d done a lot of terrible things while under Hydra’s control. He was trying to make amends for it all, but every time he cracked open the little black book he kept in his back pocket, he was reminded just how far he had to go to make things right.

It was daunting, and at times the hopelessness he felt when he held that small book was nearly suffocating.

But there was one thing, one hurt _he_ had caused that the Winter Soldier hadn’t.

And damnit, he missed her so bad it hurt.

“Can…can you search for someone for me?”

_‘You have never hurt me, mon amour…’_

He regretted the question the second it left his lips.

It was unbelievably selfish.

Sophie was better off without him…regardless of how she’d reacted the night he left.

The memory made him shiver and caused tears to well in his eyes.

_‘Please…please don’t leave, mon amour…’_

He reassured himself that after five years, she’d come to realize that for herself. But he needed to know, needed the peace of mind that came with hearing how much better her life was with him not in it.

“I can try,” Friday answered, “but Mr. Stark has imposed system limitations on you. I may not be able to access the tools I need to find whomever it is you’re looking for.”

That should have been enough to deter him, but it wasn’t.

“Just…anything you can find on a French citizen. A young woman named Sophie Lavalier. She’d be twenty-one. Originally from Avignon but should be enrolled in university in Marseille.”

Friday was silent.

“Her birthday is –

“I’m sorry,” Friday interrupted, “but it seems I’m not able to access the databases required to locate a French citizen.”

Bucky couldn’t mask his disappointment.

“Oh…well, thanks for trying.”

It was fair. He’d hurt her, abandoned her…it was only fitting the mistakes he made keep him from finding out what happened to her.

But it still didn’t sit right.

Sophie was the best thing to happen to him in seventy years. Even if he never knew the specifics, if he could just find out if she was happy…safe…

Maybe then he could try to move on…

“If finding this young woman is important to you, perhaps you could speak to Mr. Stark to obtain the clearance needed?”

Bucky considered it, wondering inwardly how pathetic and desperate he truly was.

“Sergeant?”

_Incredibly. I am incredibly desperate and pathetic…_

He rubbed his face and stood.

“I’m going to hit the gym, Friday. Can…can you let me know when Steve is up?”

“Of course.”

Bucky grabbed the open, messy gym bag he’d tossed at the foot of his bed.

He didn’t know what he was going to tell Steve, or if he really wanted to get Tony involved. He could only hope that a few hours in the gym would give him the time he needed to figure it out.

At the very least, maybe the burn in his muscles would distract him from her.

* * *

“I’d ask how you slept,” Steve gave a sad smile as he approached him, “but Friday said you’ve been here for hours, so I guess that answers that.”

Bucky grunted in response, slowly and carefully lifting the barbell up onto the supports. His body hurt, but not enough to distract his mind from perfect, painful memories of her…

He just wanted to rest…or collapse, he wasn’t sure which was more likely to happen at this point.

“Yeah, I…I just couldn’t get to sleep…”

He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck.

Steve nodded, watching him closely to try to get a read on him.

When Bucky remained quiet, Steve spoke.

“You want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

Bucky sighed as Steve took a seat on the empty bench next to him.

_I guess I’m doing this…_

“I…think I need your help…”

“Alright,” Steve smirked, “that’s a start.”

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Ass…”

Steve chuckled.

“Come on, Buck. What’s going on?”

If there was one person he trusted not to judge him too harshly for what he’d done, it was Steve.

Still, Bucky’s throat felt tight.

What he’d done to Sophie…well, he wouldn’t blame Steve for holding it against him.

“I…met someone when I was on the run,” he admitted in a single breath, “before Vienna. I…I need to find her, make sure she’s safe.”

Steve managed to control his reaction, but his surprise was still plain in his features.

“You met someone?”

Bucky nodded.

“In France. I…I left to keep her safe but…”

“You don’t know where she is?”

“No…and Stark has me blocked out from using Friday to find her. I know I can’t screw with the conditions of my pardon –

“No, Buck, you can’t.”

Steve leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

Bucky could tell by the look in his eyes that the gears were turning. It gave him the tiniest, faintest glimmer of hope that he’d somehow get answers.

“If you overstep the terms of your pardon, Buck, I can’t protect you,” Steve said carefully, “who is she?”

It was a simple question, but Bucky didn’t know exactly how to answer it.

Sophie was…amazing. Kind and sweet, patient and empathetic to a fault…

He didn’t deserve a second of the two months he had with her.

“Sophie is…everything.”

Steve’s expression softened.

“She made me forget…made me wanna slow down,” he shook his head, “how I feel about her…Steve, I’ve never…never felt…”

It was like a hand had tightened around his throat.

He loved her.

He loved her and he’d never told her.

No…no, he’d thrown it all back in her face and spat cruel lies to push her away and ensure she didn’t try to find him.

“I’m not stupid enough to think she’d ever take me back,” he blinked back his tears, looking away to avoid the pity in Steve’s gaze, “I don’t deserve another chance with her…I…I just want to make sure she’s safe and happy…”

Sophie had been preparing to start university when he’d left. She’d been nervous but excited for it, gleefully telling him all about her program and the campus as he held her close in the small hours of the morning.

She’d have graduated by now, he reasoned; but surely if he hacked the university’s records they could get an address?

Steve stood abruptly, and Bucky quickly looked up at him, nervous and confused.

“Steve…what –

“Come on,” he called over his shoulder as he headed for the door, “let’s go find your girl.”

* * *

Whatever Bucky was expecting Steve to do, this certainly wasn’t it.

“Either of you fossils going to enlighten us?” Tony quipped as he risked a sip of his coffee.

“Not that we don’t enjoy surprise, impromptu meetings at the crack of dawn,” Natasha added with a smirk Tony’s way.

Steve had rounded up the few members of the team that happened to be on site, ushering them into the living room with the promise of coffee…and a half-ways decent breakfast.

Sam and Clint were still half asleep, but Natasha looked to be in better shape. Though Bucky supposed that was just her stubbornness. She’d been up late kicking Rhodey and Scott’s ass in pool before they headed out on separate assignments.

“Yeah,” Sam mumbled, ‘resting’ his eyes, “who needs to sleep in anyway. We get days off all the time…”

Clint huffed in amusement.

“Sleep’s for the weak, Wilson.”

Tony had pulled an all nighter in his lab if the dark circles under his eyes were any indication.

“I don’t smell bacon, Rogers,” Tony winced as the scalding hot coffee burnt his lips, “I was lured here with the promise of a meal.”

“I’ll get cooking,” Steve began, “I promise. Just…Bucky needs our help. Give him a few minutes, Tony, please.”

Bucky eyed Tony nervously as Steve stepped into the kitchen.

The last thing he really wanted to do was ask Tony for help.

He’d given Bucky a wide berth since he’d moved in, begrudgingly tolerating his presence. It was more than Bucky expected, and the thought of asking for more from the man whose parents he murdered seemed cruel.

It was uncomfortable situation…made even more so when they all looked to him expectantly.

“What’s going on, Buck?” Sam asked when the silence in the room went on a bit too long.

Bucky swallowed hard.

“I…I need help finding someone,” Bucky managed stiffly, “she’s…important to me. I just need to know if she’s okay.”

“When did you have time to find someone special?” Sam asked with a wry smirk.

He gave Sam a sharp glare.

“When I was on the run, before everything went to hell in Vienna. I…left her behind to protect her and I just…I just need to make sure she’s okay.”

“Five years later?” Tony scoffed, “Anything could have happened in five years, Barnes…”

“I know,” he hung his head, “believe me, I’ve got nothing but regrets as far as Sophie’s concerned. I said some really awful things to her when I left to make sure I pushed her away. So I don’t expect her forgiveness, or to get a chance to even speak to her…I just need to know she’s safe…”

A strangely tense silence filled the room and Bucky glanced up to find everyone’s focus on Tony.

The man sighed dramatically as he sat down his coffee.

“What’s her name, Barnes?”

Hope, that foreign and fleeting thing, surged in him.

“Sophie Lavalier. We met in Gordes, France but she was from Avignon and supposed to start university in Marseille a few weeks after I left.”

“Start university?” Clint asked pointedly, “just how old is this woman?”

“She’d be twenty-one now,” he admitted, “her birthday is in November.”

Clint tensed, visibly uncomfortable.

“So you were boinking what? A seventeen-year-old girl?”

Bucky ran his fingers through his hair. Sophie’s youth and the naivety that went along with it made everything he’d done infinity worse. He was all too aware of that fact. She’d trusted and loved him blindly, and instead of being the bigger person – the adult – he’d given into temptation.

He should have been a good friend to Sophie, but instead he’d been a pig.

“I’m not proud of it.”

Clint chuckled.

“Sure.”

“I’m not,” Bucky pressed, “listen…Sophie was the first person in fucking decades to be decent to me. Even when she found out who I really was; the things I’d done –

“She knew?” Steve asked from the kitchen.

Bucky looked back at Steve and nodded.

“She…caught a glimpse of my arm. I guess she’d seen what…what happened in Washington in the news, including –

“The whole you being a wanted fugitive thing?” Tony offered.

“Yeah…”

Tony rubbed his temples.

And Bucky’s hope that he – or someone, anyone – might help him, diminished.

_‘I often smile because of you…do you not see it?’_

Bucky felt sick to his stomach.

“So what exactly are you asking for?” Tony finally asked, “I can’t get you cleared to go trapse through France.”

“Just…let Friday search the university’s records to find out where she is…please? I don’t expect to be able to see her, I just…need to know…”

“It’s been five years, Bucky,” Natasha began gently, “She could have –

“I know,” his voice was weak and wavering, “she could have moved, found someone else…someone better and moved on…died.”

“Don’t go there, Buck,” Sam said sympathetically.

“But I have. Believe me, I’ve done nothing but wonder and worry about her since I left. I’ve had nightmares about it. I need…I need to know. Please…”

Everyone looked to Tony, who took a moment to sip his coffee before standing.

“Looking alive Friday.”

He approached the large television, which Friday wordlessly turned on.

“Yes, sir.”

“See if you can find Barnes’ girl,” he looked to Bucky, “Sophie, was it?”

“Sophie Lavalier,” Friday answered for him, “searching census data from Avignon and university registries in Marseille…Bucky, can you confirm Sophie’s full name to help narrow down my search?”

Various documents appeared on the screen.

“Sophie Marguerite Jeanne Lavalier.”

Friday filtered through documents and databases silently.

Bucky moved to give her more.

“She’s an only child. Her grandparents owned a lavender farm in Gordes.”

“Understood.”

Friday worked quietly.

“You think she’ll be able to find her?” Sam asked Tony.

Tony scowled.

“You watch your mouth.”

The rapid flipping of documents on the screen stopped.

“Sophie is not listed as a graduate of any university in Marseille or surrounding cities,” Friday reported, “I do see where she applied and was accepted, but it seems her acceptance was withdrawn.”

Bucky physically recoiled at the AI’s words.

“W-What?”

Sophie had been so excited to go to university. The idea that that had somehow changed was alarming.

What the hell had he missed?

Friday continued, and Bucky’s concerned only deepened.

“She is not listed as an occupant at the address listed in her university application. Broadening search parameters.”

Steve joined them; arms loaded down with plates of food.

“Could she have gone to another university? Changed her mind?”

Natasha helped him set the plates out on the coffee table, everyone else’s focus fixed on the screen.

“I don’t know…”

It was an embarrassing thing to admit.

“What do you know, man?” Clint asked coldly, his arms crossed, “you know, besides what an underage girl looks like naked?”

“Clint,” Natasha said softly, shooting him a sympathetic look, “that’s not going to help things.”

“Oh, it isn’t?”

The marksman stood, glaring at Bucky as he made to leave.

Sam and Steve tried to calm him.

“Clint, please –

“Clint -

“Nah, I’m good,” Clint snapped, cutting them both off, “I’ve heard enough.”

He turned his focus to Tony, whose expression was difficult to read.

“You’re a dad,” Clint continued, “why the hell are you helping him?”

He didn’t give anyone a chance to speak. He merely glared at Bucky and stormed from the room.

It left a tense, awkward silence in its wake.

Overwhelmed with shame and regret, Bucky hung his head.

Sophie had been over the age of consent, but that hardly made him feel better at the time and certainly didn’t now. She’d loved and trusted him, and he couldn’t look back at his actions and say for a fact that he didn’t take advantage of that.

After all, Bucky had always known he couldn’t stay with her.

He was just too cowardly to come clean at the start and tell her that plainly.

“I loved her,” he mumbled sadly, “I love her still. I fucked up…I hurt her, but I’m telling you there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

His breath caught in his throat.

“Pretty much the only good memories I’ve got since the forties are thanks to her…”

Steve grabbed and gently squeezed his shoulder, giving him a sympathetic look when he dared glance up.

“I need her to be okay,” Bucky said under his breath, “Steve –

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Friday said calmly, “but I believe I’ve found her.”

Tony gestured to the screen.

“Show us what you’ve got, Friday.”

As the AI brought new documents up on the screen, Bucky clung to the last remnants of hope he had left in him.

Sophie was out there. If anyone could find her, it was Friday.

“Sophie Marguerite Jeanne Lavalier,” Friday began, “resides in Paris.”

A French drivers licence appeared on screen and for the first time in five years, Bucky saw her face.

“T-That’s her.”

Bucky cursed under his breath.

Her hair was longer, and a bit darker, but it was her.

And she looked…tired.

“What…why would she be in Paris?” he wondered aloud, “she…she doesn’t like big cities…”

“Is she working?” Steve asked, “maybe she moved for work, Buck?”

“I’ve got no record of employment for her. It looks like she’s on social protection.”

“Translation?” Sam quipped.

“Welfare,” Tony clarified, “she’s on welfare.”

Bucky was shaking.

Sophie was on welfare…where were her parents? Grandparents?

If she had been having a hard time, why didn’t her friends help her?

Bucky pointed to the screen.

“H-Her address,” he struggled to take a deep breath, “Friday, is it…is it a safe neighborhood? Is…is she renting?”

“Based on police reports, I’d say its safe, yes. The apartment is a part of France’s social housing program though. It’s geared to low-income individuals and families. She does have a previous address on file.”

“I take it you’re mentioning this because it’s important somehow?” Tony questioned.

“I believe so, yes, sir.”

Bucky swallowed hard.

“Tell us, Friday.”

There was a moment of silence Bucky wasn’t expecting before Friday finally answered.

“I’m sorry…but the address is for a women’s shelter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, there will be flashbacks in this story and they'll be written entirely in italics to distinguish them from present day (as I did in my other fic 'The Prodigal').
> 
> Thank you to everyone whose read and left a comment thus far :) I'm so glad you guys are looking forward to seeing where this goes!


	3. Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky discovers the full extent of what he missed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter here, dear readers, but it felt fitting to end it where I did. Fair warning (without spoiling anything) potentially triggering themes will appear from here on in. Tread lightly!
> 
> **Translations:**
> 
> 'je t'aime' - I love you  
> 'mon dieu' - my god  
> 'mon amour' - my love  
> 'mairie' - town hall

Bucky couldn’t breathe.

“Buck?”

He jumped as Steve touched his shoulder.

“Woah,” Steve stepped around him, “Buck –

“She…she…”

Bucky couldn’t catch his breath long enough to form a full sentence. His mind raced though.

Sophie – _his_ Sophie – at a women’s shelter.

He took a shaky step backwards as his eyes darted around the room, to Steve’s friends and then to the picture of Sophie’s license still on the screen.

Why was she in a shelter? Where were her friends? How could her parents let –

“Buck?”

She’d said she was boring, dull. That she couldn’t understand why someone like him looked twice at someone like her. But Sophie was beautiful. Bucky had never understood why she couldn’t see that.

He focused on her picture.

On her pretty green eyes and long, dark lashes that never failed to draw him in. On her downturned lips and the memory of how fucking perfect they’d felt against his own.

“Buck?”

He hadn’t deserved it. He hadn’t deserved a fucking second of the time he’d had with her.

“I-I just wanted her to be safe,” he finally choked out, “Steve…”

“She could have wound up there for any number of reasons –

“None of them good!”

He brushed Steve’s hand off his shoulder.

“Buck –

“I’ve got to find her.”

“We did,” Tony gestured to the screen, “Barnes –

“I’ve got to find her.”

Bucky tried to leave, but Steve grabbed his arm.

“You can’t, Buck.”

Bucky glared at him and jerked his arm back.

“Buck –

“Why was she at the shelter, Friday?” Tony asked the AI, turning back to the screen, “I know you can unlock her client records.”

Bucky took a deep breath and forced himself to remain still and standing. He was going to go to her. He was going to save her and spend the rest of his life trying to make things right with her.

If Friday and Tony could give him more to go on, it could only help.

“I…am not sure of the ethics of that, sir,” Friday began cautiously, “the details Miss Lavalier’s records are –

“You’re sure of the ethics, Friday,” Tony countered, “and believe me it feels…gross…to me too. But I’d like to avoid an international incident like the one we had in Germany…”

He eyed Bucky.

“And I’m putting a _bit_ of faith in Barnes here.”

Bucky nodded.

“Don’t make me regret this, Barnes.”

Tony pointed at him.

“You make a break for it, and I’ll blow that arm off…vibranium be damned. You hear me?”

Steve answered for him.

“He does, Tony. Thank you.”

Friday filtered through more documents, opening new ones on the screen for everyone to see.

“Let me see…”

More documents opened.

“Sophie arrived in Paris in December of 2015. In her social worker’s report, it seems Sophie claimed to be fleeing an unsafe living situation in Avignon.”

Bucky’s unease settled deep in his bones.

“Who would she be with there, Buck?” Steve asked.

“H-Her parents?” he managed with a shrug.

“It…seems there was an altercation,” Friday continued, “Sophie reported that her father hit her.”

Bucky’s ‘unease’ evaporated.

“He what?”

He was shaking. Vibrating.

Seething with an anger he’d not felt in a long time.

“He what?”

His jaw hurt he was clenching his teeth so hard.

“A police report was filed. Details are vague, but apparently charges were dropped, and Sophie was asked to leave the residence.”

“You mean her parents kicked her out?” Natasha asked from her seat on the couch.

“Yes.”

Bucky cursed under his breath and raked his fingers through his hair.

He tried to imagine the fear Sophie must have felt.

_‘I often smile because of you…do you not see it?’_

Alone.

She’d been alone.

He knew how painful that could be and it was the absolute last thing he wanted for her.

Friday broke the silence.

“There…is something else.”

“Really?” Sam groaned, “something to make this worse, maybe?”

The AI was quiet.

All Bucky could hear was the sound of his own heart beating.

Tony asked her to proceed, but still the AI remained silent.

“Friday,” Bucky licked his dry lips, “please…”

“Sergeant Barnes –

He immediately corrected her.

“Bucky.”

“Bucky,” Friday spoke gently, “I…it seems that when Sophie arrived in Paris she…she was four months pregnant.”

* * *

_He had to stop, had to turn her away._

_But he couldn’t._

_Fuck, he just couldn’t._

_Sophie gasped and writhed as he thumbed her clit._

_“Mon amour…”_

_Bucky hugged her close, nipping and kissing her neck and shoulder as she trembled._

_He wanted to give her everything; every little bit of himself he could scrape together from decades of misery…_

_But she deserved better than scraps._

_“Oh, baby girl…”_

_Sophie rolled her hips._

_“B-Bucky…mon dieu…please…please…my love…”_

_He delved downward, sliding two fingers inside of her with ease._

_The little yelp of surprise that left her went straight to his cock._

_“So wet,” he breathed, “Sophie…”_

_“F-For you…”_

_She clenched tight around him, rolling her head back to rest on his shoulder._

_“M-Mon amour…I-I am wet for you.”_

_He licked his lips, pressing a kiss to her cheek and moaning as she nuzzled him without hesitation._

_“I…I want you…”_

_Bucky growled. He slipped his fingers from her and hurriedly tugged down her shorts and panties in one motion._

_“Y-Yes!”_

_Sophie reached out to him, pulling him back to her and moaning as he captured her lips in a searing kiss._

_How did he get so lucky?_

_Decades of misery…and life put someone like her in his path._

_She was peace. She was comfort and kindness and…fuck…he’d ruined her._

_He’d ruined her and he was too fucking selfish to own up to it and let her go…_

_Sophie folded herself over the crate he’d pushed her up against, reaching back for him when he hesitated._

_“Bucky…mon amour…”_

_He should have left weeks ago when he’d first caught her looking at him like he was some kind of catch. Should have bolted when she leaned in, offering him that first kiss that had sealed both their fates…_

_But he was too weak._

_She made him feel normal, feel safe and calm. He wanted to cling to her as long as he could. Everything else…Hydra, Steve, the ghosts that haunted him…none of it mattered._

_Bucky just wished his throat didn’t tighten and his heart didn’t race each time he tried to tell her just how much she meant to him…_

_Sophie needed to know…_

_“Je t’aime,” Sophie gasped, grabbing his hand, “love me…Bucky, please love me…”_

_He did._

_God, did he love her._

_But to say the words…_

_No. She’d never let him leave if he did._

_Bucky bit his tongue and grabbed her hips. He guided his cock up and down her sopping folds, slicking himself up and savoring the excited sounds it pulled from her._

_“B-Bucky…”_

_He shushed her, rubbing circles into her skin with his thumbs as he basked in the sight of her._

_“Relax, baby girl…relax for me…”_

* * *

“N-No.”

It was the only word he could bring himself to form.

He faintly registered Steve squeezing his arm.

“Bucky…”

It gutted him to imagine her all alone. But to imagine her alone and pregnant? No…it couldn’t be…it wasn’t possible.

“No.”

He couldn’t bring himself to look at Sophie’s picture, or anyone else in the room. He kept his gaze down as he shook his head, Friday’s words replaying again and again in his mind.

_‘…she was four months pregnant…’_

No.

Just…no.

“You’re sure, Barnes?” Tony asked, his voice sharper, colder than before, “absolutely sure?”

He nodded.

“So she…what? Hooked up with someone the second you left?” Natasha questioned, brow furrowed, “either that, or she was assaulted.”

What little breath that had been in his chest left him.

He swayed, only for Steve to tighten his hold on him to keep him upright.

“No…n-no…”

“Buck, you need to sit,” Steve said gently, nudging him closer to the nearest chair, “come on.”

Bucky slumped forward the second his ass hit the cushion; elbows propped on his knees as he held his head in his hands.

_No…_

He squeezed his eyes shut.

And remembered holding Sophie’s exhausted, sweat-slicked body against his. Her contented smile…her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath…

“Bucky?”

Her hips were slim, and her stomach was soft. She was self-conscious of it, often trying to shield her stomach from his gaze and his touch, but he persisted. He wanted to know and love every inch of her.

“Buck?”

Her breasts were large; another thing she didn’t like about herself. But he’d kissed her lips and whispered in her ear just how perfectly she felt in his hand, how perfectly she filled his hand. If he focused on the memory hard enough, he could almost feel her soft skin under his fingertips.

Could almost hear her breath catch in her throat as he squeezed her…

_‘…she was four months pregnant…’_

He knew he’d ruined her the second he touched her but he couldn’t have…couldn’t have gotten her pregnant…

Couldn’t have ruined her like _that_.

_No…no…no….no…_

“I-I couldn’t,” Bucky swallowed thickly, “Steve…they had me on ice, I-I…I couldn’t…”

The sympathetic look in Steve’s eyes when he glanced up to him made Bucky sick.

_Oh, god…_

“Don’t suppose you had a sperm count done sometime in the last decade?” Tony quipped, “ _you_ survived the cryo process, Barnes. It’s not a far stretch to assume your swimmers did too.”

“No,” Bucky mumbled stubbornly, “no…I-I…”

“I’m sorry, Bucky,” Friday said solemnly, “I really am…”

_‘I often smile because of you…do you not see it?’_

“Did she have the baby, Friday?” Natasha asked, “is there a record of a birth certificate?”

Again, the AI hesitated.

“Yes,” she finally responded, “there…there are two, actually.”

Bucky’s head shot up. His eyes were watery and wide as he looked at the screen on which Friday displayed new documents.

Birth certificates.

 _Two_ birth certificates.

“On April 14th, 2016 Sophie gave birth to fraternal twins,” Friday explained, zooming in on the certificates, “a boy and a girl. No father was listed.”

Through tears, Bucky made out the details on the certificates.

Twins. Sophie had twins.

He…he had kids.

Bucky couldn’t stop shaking.

Why would she want to have his children? After everything…why?

“The boy – Bastien - was born first,” Friday continued, “and the girl followed fifteen minutes later.”

“Camille,” Steve read from the screen, “Bastien and Camille.”

He squeezed Bucky’s shoulder hard.

“You’ve got a family, Buck.”

Bucky couldn’t see straight. His head was spinning and his chest hurt. The shock and joy he felt at learning he had a family was overshadowed by pure, all-consuming shame. Sophie had been alone when she carried their babies. She’d been alone in giving birth to them. And she’d been alone in raising them, outnumbered and undoubtedly overwhelmed.

She’d needed him…and he’d left her.

Had she known she was pregnant the night he left?

The thought made his stomach churn. She had tried to speak first that night, but he’d interrupted her; not wanting to give himself time to change his mind or lose his nerve.

Was she trying to tell him?

As he struggled to process all that had been revealed, Tony studied the certificates more closely.

“What’s this attached document, Friday?”

“It’s…sir, perhaps it is best that document be viewed later or in private?”

Bucky blinked away his tears and looked back to the screen.

“What is it, Friday?”

Surely it couldn’t get much worse?

“There…is an acte de décès on file with the mairie…”

_No…no…_

It could.

It could get so much worse.

“A…a death certificate?” Steve mumbled, doubting his understanding of the language for fear of the truth.

Bucky choked on a sob.

Friday, ever professional and poised, sighed heavily.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told ya I'd be hitting you in the feels a lot with this one! ;)
> 
> Serious note though, going forward there are serious trigger warnings for infant loss. Please - PLEASE - tread lightly!

**Author's Note:**

> There may end up being some mistakes, both in the translations (I'll try to use them sparingly) and my own knowledge of France's social services/social norms/etc.
> 
> I'm Canadian and my own knowledge of french is limited to Quebecois francais...and lets be honest, even then its very limited lol 
> 
> I guess I'm saying take things with a grain of salt and *hopefully* enjoy this fic without getting too hung up on the little details :P 
> 
> At the end of the day, I'm aiming to give you a smutty, angsty, and downright heartbreaking fic here. It's something I've wanted to write for a long time, so I hope enough of you like it :) Thank you for reading!


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